self-worth

Enough

Something I've been thinking about a lot is this question that keeps popping up in my head. Am I good enough? Am I enough? The lie that I am not enough is an insecurity that I've been fighting almost my whole life and if you're like me, you might ask that question too.

And some days are better than others.

But, I have the answer. Yes, that may sound a bit bold, but it’s true. I do.

I have a no-fail, 100% true way of testing to see if you’re enough. Nervous? Want to see if you qualify as being enough? Good. I thought you would.

I want you to put your hand on your chest. (yes...go ahead & do it now...hand to chest.) Feel that beating? That thumping in your chest? That beating automatically means that you are enough. It's really that simple. Congratulations for taking the test and passing with flying colors. You are a winner.

You are enough. You are living and breathing and showing up. You have a unique gift to share with the world. We need you. We need your vantage point. We need your ideas, your laughter, you specific fingerprint. We need you. And you are enough.

I know you might be thinking...this is all good and fine Kate, but what if I don't FEEL like I'm enough. Yes, you might not feel like enough right now. But, that's just not the truth. If you have blood pumping in your veins and a heart beating in your chest--you are enough.

Maybe I’m typing this because I am in need of this reminder. The insecure voices have been begging for mental real-estate recently and so I’m typing this as much for myself as I am for you. In my industry, there is so much focus on outward appearance. I am constantly reminding myself that I am not supposed to be anyone else but myself...and that I, Katherine Elizabeth, with my heart and blood pumping in my veins, just as I am, am 100% enough.

So when you are tempted to compare yourself to someone more talented, taller, thinner, happier, etc., whatever it is that is telling you that you aren’t enough--shut it down. Hold that hand to your chest and remind yourself that YOU ARE ENOUGH. I wish I could sit down with each of you reading this and stare into your beautiful face and tell you that even if you can’t believe it yourself yet, I know that you are enough. 

"Comparison is the thief of joy"--no matter who said it first...either CS Lewis or Theodore Roosevelt--they were both smart dudes and it's true. Don’t think of yourself and think, "If I were taller, more successful, prettier, thinner, a mom, married...then I would be enough." None of those things will ever make you more “enough” than you are right now at this present moment. Don’t get me wrong, I believe in self-improvement and marriages and all those good things...but we need to approach them realizing that your quota for being “enough” in the world has already been 100% met...just by being you with your beating heart. 

See, there is this notion going around that we can improve our self-worth. IT'S A TRAP, GUYS. Don't fall for it. No thing can improve your self-worth. You are worthy of love just as you are and that makes you ENOUGH. 

I’ve been hearing a lot about suicides recently and it just wrecks me. I don’t know what goes through a person’s mind before they take their own life, but I wonder if that lie about not being enough is somewhere rooted deeply inside. It starts small and can snowball so quickly. I know I’ve said it like a million times already, but you are enough and we need you here. If you are considering taking your own life--please tell someone. Reach out. Call a hotline. Call a friend. Tell your neighbor. Email us. We need you here.

If you are reading this right now, I think there’s a reason. Maybe you need the reminder that you are enough and that everyone is good at something. You may not be on a stage or in the spotlight, but that's not the point. Maybe you’re good at celebrating people? Maybe you’re good at painting? Maybe you’re good at holding babies? Maybe you’re good at cooking or baking? Maybe you’re good at making people feel welcome? Maybe you’re good at teaching? Or playing games. We are all good at something. Even if you feel like you're good at nothing, (that's not true) but you're still ENOUGH. 

If the lies pop into your head. Shut ‘em down. Hand to heart. Let that be our reminder. Deal? Deal. When I’m not feeling like enough, I’m going to put my hand to my heart, remind myself that I am enough and remind myself that we are all in this together.

With all my love,

Kate

PS. I started getting this idea for the blog last weekend while I was at the beach. I took long walks by myself thinking and talking to God...and just had to remind myself. I am enough. I am enough. I took this pic because I want to practice what I write. I am enough. Love, love, love.

 


 

Embrace

We had the opportunity to see a film screening two nights ago called Embrace. After leaving the film, all we want is for EVERY SINGLE FEMALE to see this film. Young and old, it doesn't matter. Click here to see if there's a screening near you.

The film maker (and star of the documentary) Taryn Brumfitt went on a 9 week filmed journey to find out why women hate their bodies so much after she had an unconventional "before" & "after" picture of herself go viral.

She had 3 children, was unhappy with her body and underwent a rigorous training schedule to compete in a bikini body-building contest. After the competition, she realized that all of the effort was not worth it and she ultimately found peace, health & happiness with her body when she just chilled out, lived life and enjoyed food. She started loving her body.

The thing that surprised us about the film is that it's about body image as a whole, not just about weight. She interviews a severe burn victim and a brain tumor survivor as well as many other women around the world. It is so powerful.  

The film was such a good reminder for us and it definitely struck a chord since we faced our own weight shaming issues last year.

We would highly recommend this movie to any female. It will move your heart and change your outlook on loving your own body. 

Thank you Taryn for inspiring us, for leading in such a brave way and for reminding us all that we are enough JUST THE WAY WE ARE.

Join the movement: #ihaveembraced

Much love,

j&k

PS. Just a heads up, there is some nudity in the film given the nature of the topic. Although it is not in a sexual nature, we just wanted to give you a heads up. Here's some info on a parent's guide to the film. 

When Someone Calls You Huge (REPOSTED) #31DaysofBlogging

This blog title might sound familiar. We originally posted this blog shortly after we got back from Afghanistan in April 2015. It was only on our site for 3 days before we were asked to take it down…which we did, and we haven't re-posted it until today. We'll tell you more about that tomorrow. If you already read this…please read it again. Let the words sink down to the depths of your heart. You are beautiful and worthy of love. xo j&k

Have you ever been on a group text and someone didn’t know you were included on the group text and then they said something mean about you to the group?

Well, I have. Let me tell you...not the most fun thing I’ve ever experienced. It sucked actually, but I’m going to tell you all about it for two reasons:

1) I hope it’s helpful. I know I’m not the first person this has ever happened to and we always say we are all in this together, so I’m going to share in my painful experience in hopes that it helps you if you’re going through something similar. 

2) This blog is as much for me as it is for you. It’s a letter to myself to remind myself of the truths that I know to be true. 

Here’s the backstory. I had posted a picture on Instagram the night before from my bunk on the bus and used the hashtag #bunksaresmall. Next day, a friend who loves to make fun of all the silly hashtags we use took a pic of me as I was sitting with an *empty box on my lap. (*not sure why I was sitting with a box on my lap but it was funny and we all were laughing at my ridiculous-ness.) He sent it to a group text. 

Well......

Someone responded (not knowing I was on the text) and called me: "a #HUGE singer." He called me HUGE. 

Here's the picture:

 My first and immediate reaction was hurt and embarrassment. My second reaction was, Psssh, what does he know? What a jerk. But then those dark voices began to quietly rise...This was the inner dialogue that began as I stared at the picture and I began to second guess myself: 

“Omg, was he right? Am I huge? My legs look huge. It’s just a bad angle...or is it? What does huge even mean? Does everyone think this and I don’t know it? Well, everyone thinks that now. What a jerk. Who calls someone huge? Ugh, I want to hide.” 

But then, something changed in my head/heart. I looked at the picture again. I actually thought my legs looked awesome (a little orange from my bronzer...haha...but still awesome.) I remembered the great workout I had done earlier that day. I remembered that I had felt great in that dress before walking on stage that night. I remembered how awesome it had felt singing to thousands of people.

A mirror pic before walking to stage…yes I took off the sweatshirt before going on stage :)    

A mirror pic before walking to stage…yes I took off the sweatshirt before going on stage :)

 

Jill and I began to talk. Important side note here: Don’t ever say anything mean about me because my IDK my BFF Jill does not handle such things well. She was maybe more mad than I was :) Ha! Love her.  Anyway. I started thinking. 

SCREW THAT. Are you kidding me? My body is awesome. I am healthy. I can run for 3 miles RIGHT NOW if I want to. My body can propel itself. Both of my lungs function on their own and all of my blood is rushing through my veins. When I put my hand to my chest and feel the beating, I remember that I’m alive and have a purpose. I don’t have cancer!! I can run and climb and jump. I LOVE MY STRONG, AWESOME BODY. My body could make another human being. I can smell and see and touch and feel. That's amazing.

 

Like any woman I’ve ever met in the whole universe--we fluctuate in our weight and I’m just tired of focusing on it and making it the center of the world.

AND I’M TIRED OF ALL THE WEIGHT SHAMING. It's happening to celebrities and non-celebrities alike. It’s just got to stop. If someone is looking at that picture and calling me huge, I just don’t know. Not that it’s anyone’s business, but full disclosure moment: the very day "dude" called me huge I was pumped because that day I happened to look at the tag of my jeans and I was wearing a size 8! A size SMALL sweatpants from Victoria’s Secret. A medium T-shirt. Here’s the flip side...I also have pants that are a 12/14, sweats that are a size L and shirts that are an XL. WHAT THE HELL DUDE? Who cares?

When I look back on my life I do not, I repeat, I do NOT want to remember what pants size I could squeeze into. Good Lord people, we’ve got THINGS TO DO! We’ve got dreams to dream and goals to be achieved and ain’t nobody got time for the ‘ole weight shaming game. (if you could hear me typing I’m getting heated and may break my keyboard.)

Don’t think the weight game is not something I haven’t had to deal with...cause I have. I won’t drag you into the long history of my story right now (saving that for my book!) but let’s just say I have fought the inner demons that tell me I can only receive love if I’m a certain size or weight. 

Being in my early 30’s now, I feel like I’m starting to find my feet. The grounding of the truth that I know. One of those truths that I believe is that we are all valuable. Each and every one of us is worthy of love. If you're a size -0 or a size 125--whatever is your healthy and happy place--it doesn't matter! 

I also believe that God created me to be exactly who I am and that I was not a mistake landing on this planet at this time. I am loved by the creator of the Universe. My 5 foot 9 inch body is perfectly and wonderfully made. 

Let me get back to this part. I AM HEALTHY. Guys, do you know how many people I know right now that have cancer and would literally do anything for a healthy body that may or may not have a few extra pounds on it? I am determined to be thankful for my healthy, amazing, awesome, strong body. I love feeling in shape and I love seeing pictures of myself feeling confident. Some days I feel that more than other days, but I am desperately trying to not make that the gauge of my mood or let it effect the trajectory of my day.

Here’s the kicker. Because part of my life is in the public eye and on the interwebs, strangers have said mean things to me before. It still hurts--I don’t care who or what anyone says--when you read something mean about yourself, it hurts--even if just a little. But, this was different. This is someone that I know. 

So, what to do? Well, I’ve forgiven him. He hasn’t asked for it or even apologized but that’s okay with me. All I can do is forgive him in my heart and move on. To wish him un-well or to try and hurt him back is foolish and honestly it goes against what I think God has called me to. “Don’t repay evil with evil, repay evil with good.” 

It reminds me that I want to do the opposite. I want to build people up. I want to encourage other people. I want to cheer for them as they are running their race. Competition and jealousy can just go take a freaking hike! We women have a knack for competition and jealousy and I say, let’s just all cheer for each other, ok? Let’s have the mentality that when one of us is winning, WE ARE ALL WINNING. 

If I could leave you with one thing, it’s this. Please repeat after me:  "I AM BEAUTIFUL and worthy of love. I AM BEAUTIFUL and worthy of love." 

Write it down. Make it your screensaver. Take a sharpie and write it on your hand if you need to. When the little voices start to creep in, say (yes, even sometimes out loud): I AM BEAUTIFUL and worthy of love.

And one more thing….let's be kind, friends. The easy thing is to always cut someone down and make a jab, but words hurt. They just do. I think words cause some of the deepest wounds...so let's all give pause before we say something mean. Be kind to the person that doesn't deserve it. Be kind to the person you always disagree with. Be kind.

Sending lots of love to you on this fine Monday morning. 

-kate