love yourself

Crushin' It - Day 19 #31DaysOfBlogging

Let’s talk about crushes for a minute.

First thing’s first: I wish there was another word for “crush” because the word just makes me feel like I’m in junior high, which is obviously NOT helpful to the situation…because having a crush is already weird. Am I right? Who can fix this for us? We need a new word.

Secondly: When you have a crush, it is simultaneously the best and the worst thing ever. It’s the best because you are all up in that infatuated-everything-is-glowing stage. The can’t-eat-can’t-sleep cliché business is a cliché for a reason, because it is TRUE. There is this weird and magical thing that takes over your body. And your brain. How is it possible to think of someone so often? How is it that everything you see reminds you of that person? The inside jokes, the last time you were with them — but really, how is it possible to think of someone that often? #crushes

Now, here’s why it’s also the worst.

It’s the worst for this reason: What if the person you have a crush on does not have a crush on you back? You are all lost in La-La Dream Land, and the other person is like: “Yeah, she cool.” But actually not interested and not aware that you are harboring such “crushing” feelings. This is terrifying. Just absolutely terrifying. And it’s vulnerable. I feel so exposed. I hate being in positions of weakness. I hate the thought of being hurt...of being, sorry, crushed. Especially when I have been many times before. It’s awful. Rejection is THE WORST.

If I’m honest, when I have a crush, I usually try to shut it down in my mind. I keep telling myself the other person is not interested. Why would they ever be interested in me? I keep playing the past failed relationships and rejections in my mind. Anybody with me? I know these are lies, but this is what I’m fighting. The lie that says I’m not good enough and I’m not worth loving or being pursued. But I’m working on exposing those lies and not believing them.

I also think it’s tough because I do really want a relationship. I want an awesome man in my life. I don’t think I’m picky, but I have some really, REALLY, amazing people in my life. The bar has been set high for who I let into my life and who I make time for. So, it’s hard when you find someone that genuinely interests you because it feels so rare. Like finding a gem in a pile of rocks. Or a unicorn.

So, anyway, if you are reading this and also have a crush — here is my best advice for navigating (based on what I am trying to do myself —it’s hard, btw.)

  1. Keep being yourself.

    Don’t shy away from being your true self to try and get the other person to like you more. It’s like my good friend Ally Fallon said in our podcastwhen we are faced with rejection, our tendency is to shy away from who we are. BUT, we need to do the opposite. If you’re rejected, commit to FULLY being yourself. When we are rejected, we try and change — to fit in more — because the lie is that maybe then there will be less rejection. But that’s a lie. So, lean into more of who you really are.

  2. Affirm yourself early and often.

    Remind yourself constantly of who you are. Take your hand to your heart right now. Is there a beating feeling? If yes, then that means that you are absolutely, 100%, undoubtedly worthy of love. If the answer was no, you might be dead so you should probably seek medical attention. But honestly, you are so loved. So LOVED. If you have blood pumping through your veins, you are here for a reason, a purpose, and you are so wildly loved. You are worthy of a loving relationship.

  3. Ask your friends for advice, but ultimately, trust yourself.

    Your intuition is telling you things. Yes, sometimes when we are in that La-La crush mode 😍, our vision can be a little rosy or unrealistic and this is where your inner circle of people you trust and who LOVE YOU come into play. Ask them for advice/wisdom. However, at the end of the day, trust yourself. This is something that is probably the hardest for me. I struggle with intense self-doubt. I want to lean on my friends and the advice of others vs. trusting myself and listening to my own still small voice. This is a practice for me…I’m learning how to trust myself more and more. (Hear our podcast about trusting your gut here.)

  4. Lean into the crush.

    Not actually physically…or umm, yes, do that too (wink wink, nudge-nudge 😉), but allow yourself to really feel it. Thank God & the Universe for sending you this crush. See it as a teacher. Allow yourself to enjoy it and surrender to NOT KNOWING THE OUTCOME. Oh dang, this is THE HARDEST part. You can be all affirmed and kicking self-doubt’s butt and conquering the world, but guess what? You cannot control other people. You cannot control the outcome of a relationship. If you are in the crush stage or if you’ve been married for 100 years — you still cannot control other people. Surrender the outcome. Be intentional. Have a vision of what you want. Know you deserve it, but surrender the outcome.

So there you have it, friends. The wonderful and the weird world of being all googly-eyed over someone.

Here’s to enjoying it and leaning into more and more of who we really are.

You are enough. You don’t need to be someone else.

Much love,

Kate

PS. If you want seriously good dating advice, we consulted an expert on our podcast and she DISHES on the best ways to reply to a text, what should and should not be discussed via text and so much more. She is never wrong. Listen here.

PPS. Tomorrow we talk about how a minor mishap on the highway (in our pajamas) lead to a major revelation….see you here tomorrow.

Enough

Something I've been thinking about a lot is this question that keeps popping up in my head. Am I good enough? Am I enough? The lie that I am not enough is an insecurity that I've been fighting almost my whole life and if you're like me, you might ask that question too.

And some days are better than others.

But, I have the answer. Yes, that may sound a bit bold, but it’s true. I do.

I have a no-fail, 100% true way of testing to see if you’re enough. Nervous? Want to see if you qualify as being enough? Good. I thought you would.

I want you to put your hand on your chest. (yes...go ahead & do it now...hand to chest.) Feel that beating? That thumping in your chest? That beating automatically means that you are enough. It's really that simple. Congratulations for taking the test and passing with flying colors. You are a winner.

You are enough. You are living and breathing and showing up. You have a unique gift to share with the world. We need you. We need your vantage point. We need your ideas, your laughter, you specific fingerprint. We need you. And you are enough.

I know you might be thinking...this is all good and fine Kate, but what if I don't FEEL like I'm enough. Yes, you might not feel like enough right now. But, that's just not the truth. If you have blood pumping in your veins and a heart beating in your chest--you are enough.

Maybe I’m typing this because I am in need of this reminder. The insecure voices have been begging for mental real-estate recently and so I’m typing this as much for myself as I am for you. In my industry, there is so much focus on outward appearance. I am constantly reminding myself that I am not supposed to be anyone else but myself...and that I, Katherine Elizabeth, with my heart and blood pumping in my veins, just as I am, am 100% enough.

So when you are tempted to compare yourself to someone more talented, taller, thinner, happier, etc., whatever it is that is telling you that you aren’t enough--shut it down. Hold that hand to your chest and remind yourself that YOU ARE ENOUGH. I wish I could sit down with each of you reading this and stare into your beautiful face and tell you that even if you can’t believe it yourself yet, I know that you are enough. 

"Comparison is the thief of joy"--no matter who said it first...either CS Lewis or Theodore Roosevelt--they were both smart dudes and it's true. Don’t think of yourself and think, "If I were taller, more successful, prettier, thinner, a mom, married...then I would be enough." None of those things will ever make you more “enough” than you are right now at this present moment. Don’t get me wrong, I believe in self-improvement and marriages and all those good things...but we need to approach them realizing that your quota for being “enough” in the world has already been 100% met...just by being you with your beating heart. 

See, there is this notion going around that we can improve our self-worth. IT'S A TRAP, GUYS. Don't fall for it. No thing can improve your self-worth. You are worthy of love just as you are and that makes you ENOUGH. 

I’ve been hearing a lot about suicides recently and it just wrecks me. I don’t know what goes through a person’s mind before they take their own life, but I wonder if that lie about not being enough is somewhere rooted deeply inside. It starts small and can snowball so quickly. I know I’ve said it like a million times already, but you are enough and we need you here. If you are considering taking your own life--please tell someone. Reach out. Call a hotline. Call a friend. Tell your neighbor. Email us. We need you here.

If you are reading this right now, I think there’s a reason. Maybe you need the reminder that you are enough and that everyone is good at something. You may not be on a stage or in the spotlight, but that's not the point. Maybe you’re good at celebrating people? Maybe you’re good at painting? Maybe you’re good at holding babies? Maybe you’re good at cooking or baking? Maybe you’re good at making people feel welcome? Maybe you’re good at teaching? Or playing games. We are all good at something. Even if you feel like you're good at nothing, (that's not true) but you're still ENOUGH. 

If the lies pop into your head. Shut ‘em down. Hand to heart. Let that be our reminder. Deal? Deal. When I’m not feeling like enough, I’m going to put my hand to my heart, remind myself that I am enough and remind myself that we are all in this together.

With all my love,

Kate

PS. I started getting this idea for the blog last weekend while I was at the beach. I took long walks by myself thinking and talking to God...and just had to remind myself. I am enough. I am enough. I took this pic because I want to practice what I write. I am enough. Love, love, love.

 


 

Embrace

We had the opportunity to see a film screening two nights ago called Embrace. After leaving the film, all we want is for EVERY SINGLE FEMALE to see this film. Young and old, it doesn't matter. Click here to see if there's a screening near you.

The film maker (and star of the documentary) Taryn Brumfitt went on a 9 week filmed journey to find out why women hate their bodies so much after she had an unconventional "before" & "after" picture of herself go viral.

She had 3 children, was unhappy with her body and underwent a rigorous training schedule to compete in a bikini body-building contest. After the competition, she realized that all of the effort was not worth it and she ultimately found peace, health & happiness with her body when she just chilled out, lived life and enjoyed food. She started loving her body.

The thing that surprised us about the film is that it's about body image as a whole, not just about weight. She interviews a severe burn victim and a brain tumor survivor as well as many other women around the world. It is so powerful.  

The film was such a good reminder for us and it definitely struck a chord since we faced our own weight shaming issues last year.

We would highly recommend this movie to any female. It will move your heart and change your outlook on loving your own body. 

Thank you Taryn for inspiring us, for leading in such a brave way and for reminding us all that we are enough JUST THE WAY WE ARE.

Join the movement: #ihaveembraced

Much love,

j&k

PS. Just a heads up, there is some nudity in the film given the nature of the topic. Although it is not in a sexual nature, we just wanted to give you a heads up. Here's some info on a parent's guide to the film.