love

Crushin' It - Day 19 #31DaysOfBlogging

Let’s talk about crushes for a minute.

First thing’s first: I wish there was another word for “crush” because the word just makes me feel like I’m in junior high, which is obviously NOT helpful to the situation…because having a crush is already weird. Am I right? Who can fix this for us? We need a new word.

Secondly: When you have a crush, it is simultaneously the best and the worst thing ever. It’s the best because you are all up in that infatuated-everything-is-glowing stage. The can’t-eat-can’t-sleep cliché business is a cliché for a reason, because it is TRUE. There is this weird and magical thing that takes over your body. And your brain. How is it possible to think of someone so often? How is it that everything you see reminds you of that person? The inside jokes, the last time you were with them — but really, how is it possible to think of someone that often? #crushes

Now, here’s why it’s also the worst.

It’s the worst for this reason: What if the person you have a crush on does not have a crush on you back? You are all lost in La-La Dream Land, and the other person is like: “Yeah, she cool.” But actually not interested and not aware that you are harboring such “crushing” feelings. This is terrifying. Just absolutely terrifying. And it’s vulnerable. I feel so exposed. I hate being in positions of weakness. I hate the thought of being hurt...of being, sorry, crushed. Especially when I have been many times before. It’s awful. Rejection is THE WORST.

If I’m honest, when I have a crush, I usually try to shut it down in my mind. I keep telling myself the other person is not interested. Why would they ever be interested in me? I keep playing the past failed relationships and rejections in my mind. Anybody with me? I know these are lies, but this is what I’m fighting. The lie that says I’m not good enough and I’m not worth loving or being pursued. But I’m working on exposing those lies and not believing them.

I also think it’s tough because I do really want a relationship. I want an awesome man in my life. I don’t think I’m picky, but I have some really, REALLY, amazing people in my life. The bar has been set high for who I let into my life and who I make time for. So, it’s hard when you find someone that genuinely interests you because it feels so rare. Like finding a gem in a pile of rocks. Or a unicorn.

So, anyway, if you are reading this and also have a crush — here is my best advice for navigating (based on what I am trying to do myself —it’s hard, btw.)

  1. Keep being yourself.

    Don’t shy away from being your true self to try and get the other person to like you more. It’s like my good friend Ally Fallon said in our podcastwhen we are faced with rejection, our tendency is to shy away from who we are. BUT, we need to do the opposite. If you’re rejected, commit to FULLY being yourself. When we are rejected, we try and change — to fit in more — because the lie is that maybe then there will be less rejection. But that’s a lie. So, lean into more of who you really are.

  2. Affirm yourself early and often.

    Remind yourself constantly of who you are. Take your hand to your heart right now. Is there a beating feeling? If yes, then that means that you are absolutely, 100%, undoubtedly worthy of love. If the answer was no, you might be dead so you should probably seek medical attention. But honestly, you are so loved. So LOVED. If you have blood pumping through your veins, you are here for a reason, a purpose, and you are so wildly loved. You are worthy of a loving relationship.

  3. Ask your friends for advice, but ultimately, trust yourself.

    Your intuition is telling you things. Yes, sometimes when we are in that La-La crush mode 😍, our vision can be a little rosy or unrealistic and this is where your inner circle of people you trust and who LOVE YOU come into play. Ask them for advice/wisdom. However, at the end of the day, trust yourself. This is something that is probably the hardest for me. I struggle with intense self-doubt. I want to lean on my friends and the advice of others vs. trusting myself and listening to my own still small voice. This is a practice for me…I’m learning how to trust myself more and more. (Hear our podcast about trusting your gut here.)

  4. Lean into the crush.

    Not actually physically…or umm, yes, do that too (wink wink, nudge-nudge 😉), but allow yourself to really feel it. Thank God & the Universe for sending you this crush. See it as a teacher. Allow yourself to enjoy it and surrender to NOT KNOWING THE OUTCOME. Oh dang, this is THE HARDEST part. You can be all affirmed and kicking self-doubt’s butt and conquering the world, but guess what? You cannot control other people. You cannot control the outcome of a relationship. If you are in the crush stage or if you’ve been married for 100 years — you still cannot control other people. Surrender the outcome. Be intentional. Have a vision of what you want. Know you deserve it, but surrender the outcome.

So there you have it, friends. The wonderful and the weird world of being all googly-eyed over someone.

Here’s to enjoying it and leaning into more and more of who we really are.

You are enough. You don’t need to be someone else.

Much love,

Kate

PS. If you want seriously good dating advice, we consulted an expert on our podcast and she DISHES on the best ways to reply to a text, what should and should not be discussed via text and so much more. She is never wrong. Listen here.

PPS. Tomorrow we talk about how a minor mishap on the highway (in our pajamas) lead to a major revelation….see you here tomorrow.

L to the Ove. (LOVE)

Happy Valentine's Day. And with that statement some of you hurt. You sunk into your chairs a little deeper. You rolled your eyes. Some of you even read "Happy Singleness Awareness day" instead.

We don't have any magic potions or words of life-changing significance. Sorry. We just wanted to say that we get it. We have both spent Valentine's Days in relationships, other Valentine's Days not in relationships. We both have had periods of that blissfully giddy can't-stop-thinking-about-him days and days when we think "Will there ever be a normal guy to ask me out?"

Whatever situation you find yourself in...married, single, engaged, just broken up with, monk, nun, old or young--whoever you are...show someone that you love them today. Show love. But here's the catch. Tomorrow and the next day too. And the day after that...you get the point. And notice we didn't say tell someone you love them. We said show. While hearing that you are loved is important and powerful....we have learned from our friend Bob Goff that LOVEDOES. Love does...it's an action word.

We are not saying to go buy a dozen roses to show someone you love them or to do something major...just a small action of love. Maybe it's picking up that piece of trash that's sitting out in front of your neighbor's lawn. No one might notice or even see but you will be doing it! Maybe it's babysitting for your friends who have kids who desperately could use a dinner alone. Maybe it's doing the dishes for your mom. Maybe it's eating lunch at school or work with the person who clearly has been isolated. There are a million things you could do. Let today be the launching pad for love.

Yes, we all want that romantic comedy love story to be ours. So yes, it's hard when you find yourself without that special someone on a day where you feel like it's constantly in your face. We get it. If you feel like you're alone, you're not. If you want to sit in your room all day throwing chocolates at the TV...by all means...we've all been there. But if you can muster the strength to propel love...do it.

You are worth it.

-j&k-

 

Contributing to the Bully.

I have so many thoughts in my head right now--sometimes when this happens I get overwhelmed and can't get anything written down for a few days until I have the energy to get all my thoughts down...this is a conversation I've been having with myself & some close friends and I wanted to share...so here it goes: All of this buzz of "anti-bullying" and "being kind" is fabulous. I fully support people and their efforts to try and reach out to others to let them know that if they are in a bad place that it does get better and help is out there. But, here is the problem I have with celebrities and non-celebrities alike preaching the message of "not bullying"--a lot of these same people are supporting bullying. Here's how I came to this conclusion.

The other day I was in a room with a person who has a popular television show and the purpose of the show is to make fun of people...under the guise of "comedy" of course--but nope--it's actually just making fun of people--bullying. Then it got me thinking about other online outlets...bloggers and "gossip sites" that do nothing but bully people--most of the time the victims are celebrities, but still, they are people just the same and are getting bullied like everyone else. So, how do we as consumers and the general public continue to support these types of media outlets and expect a change?

It's clear that our culture learns from media and the entertainment industry. (That's super sad to me but whatevs...one battle at a time :)). If skinny jeans and eighties head bands are sported by the young hollywood celebs, it trickles down to our schools and our homes no matter where you reside...it finds you. The entertainment industry sets the precedent (good or bad) for how we live and what we find socially acceptable. If we want bullying to stop in our schools and on our streets, we need to look to people in the media to raise the bar and stop making fun of people online and on their TV shows.

Kids see a blogger post an embarrassing picture or video of someone, it gets millions of views on YouTube, that blogger receives recognition/money/fame and I believe that example is what causes kids to post videos of their peers and that's what causes kids to jump off bridges. It's not a separate cycle--it's all linked together--so this is my challenge: BOYCOTT websites or TV talk shows that make fun of people--change the channel or refuse to go to the website...these people stay in business because of ratings or "hits" to their site and we are contributing every time we visit or watch.

Don't get me wrong--I am guilty of it too--I've visited these sites and watched these shows but a while back I decided to make a conscious effort to stop. Because when you think about it, you might not be "bullying" someone yourself but by going to these sites you are contributing to the cycle of bringing someone else down. Encourage other people not to visit these sites, and find something else to do. Read a book, buy someone a cup of coffee, paint, clean out your closet, write a song, eat some candy--there are so many other things to do than read about the faux-pas of another person that you don't even know. Being kind these days does not only mean being kind to your peers at school, your family, etc. but it also now implies that we need to have a greater kindness for humanity in general. Do not support the bullying in any form or fashion.

"...LOVE is kind..." 1 Cor. 13:4

xoxo

-jill&kate-

2 months ago today.

I know I've always heard that time starts to fly the older you get...and wow, I'm really feeling that...cause it seems like just yesterday I was in South Africa with three good friends playing with beautiful kids...when in reality, it was two months ago. But here I am, two months later, sitting on my couch, my TV is on, fuzzy warm slippers on my feet, sipping my freshly brewed coffee and they are still where I left them two months ago. I'll admit that when I'm there I'm focused on their needs...I wonder if they are hungry or consumed with sadness or whether they are having a good time playing the silly game we taught them, etc. But somehow, when you are removed from them, you start to forget about them. I know that sounds horrible, but it's true--at least for me. Please don't get me wrong, I don't forget about them in a permanent sense but I don't think I live with the thought that every hour of every day I live in luxury and there are kids out there who need help...lots of help.

So that's where I'm at this morning...wondering how I can help more, how I can keep them at the forefront of my mind because they are still there. And for the twenty-something kids that I met and locked eyes with, there are millions more out there. I live in a world of absolute excess...I'm embarrassed at times at the amount of food I buy at the grocery store and waste because I just chose to eat something else. I wake up in the morning in a warm bed, can take a hot shower anytime I'd like, I can see a doctor whenever I choose, etc. I live in a world of excess.

The story I am about to share is heavy, heart wrenching and true. I wanted to share with you because this is reality. It's not separated from me anymore. A girl who was dropped off at an orphan home in South Africa hours before we got there is 13 and has AIDS. Both her parents have died. She was living with her aunt who was physically abusing her and while that was going on, her uncle was repeatedly raping her. Her aunt found out and got mad at this precious little girl and kicked her out. I could hardly believe my ears. This was this girl's reality just hours before we arrived.  And now she is living at one of the orphan homes in South Africa. This story hit me hard.

I wish I had a nice way to tie up my thoughts...so I'll leave you with a pic of the kids doing a little painting craft when we were there 2 months ago. You have no idea how much your prayers and love helps these kids. Thank you for supporting them with us. xoxo -k