I’m reading a book right now about the stories of our lives. How to live a better story. I'm not finished with it yet but I'd highly recommend it. "A Million Miles In A Thousand Years" by Donald Miller. It definitely makes you question the story you are living out with your life. Are you living a good story? Are you living a boring story? Are you wishing your story looked like some other story? What does your life story look like? I’ve been thinking about my story a lot recently. I’m not sure if it’s because I’m 30 or that it’s getting colder outside, but I feel like the wheels in my head have been turning a lot more. I sometimes find myself daydreaming and watching people around me like I am the narrating voice on Grey’s Anatomy just watching this all play out in front of me.
Is this where I thought I would be in life? The quick answer is "no"....but the long answer is "kinda." I always knew that my life was going to be different than the “norm” ...whatever that “norm” is. Probably because my earliest memories weren’t anything close to normal. By the time I was 9 years old, I had gone to school on three different continents and had changed schools at least 4 times. I completed the first grade in German. I flew alone internationally when I was 13. Johannesburg, South Africa to JFK. Then I had to change airports in New York...not terminals people...airports. Looking back I’m not sure why my parents agreed to letting me galavant across the waters alone but I assured them I’d be fine and I was. My dad being the ever so thrifty man that he is told me to try and find a shared ride at JFK to LaGuardia...he said, "last resort if you need to get a taxi, do that, but otherwise try to find a cheaper shared ride." So that’s what I did. Landed at JFK, got my bags, and headed my 13 year old self out to the curb to find a shared ride to LaGuardia. Anyway...all that to say, my earliest narrative of my life was a far cry from the “norm.”
I think the thing that makes me think most about my life’s story now is that I feel like it is still so far from the normal narrative of other 30 something women out there. If I’m being honest, every so often I am really insecure that I’m unmarried and don’t have at least 1.5 children. It just seems that’s what you do. Most of my friends are all married with 1.5 or more children. I sometimes feel like I'm really behind in life.
I wouldn’t change it though. I think God has me just in the spot where I’m supposed to be. My story is unique. It's unlike anyone else's. In dark days I wish it didn’t take such sacrifice. Or sometimes I wish that insecurity and fear that comes with that feeling that I’m the only one on this road would be less. I pour myself into my career. But it’s not just a career. It’s my story. It’s my life.
*I wrote this on the plane the other day and have since finished reading the book...you should definitely read it! Here's a visual of the cover of the book: