Processing

Morning. I've been wanting to blog the last few days and for some reason I just haven't done it. Trying to figure out why. I think sometimes there is so much going on in my head & heart that I get overwhelmed and I just can't get anything out on paper (who uses paper anymore...I mean my computer.) If I were a car I think I'd be on the side of the road with steam coming out of the hood of the car. Well wait, maybe that's a bad example...cause that would mean I'd be broken-down...and I don't think I am...I'm just overwhelmed. But not my traditional overwhelmed feeling.

Normally when I feel overwhelmed it's because things are coming at me so quickly & I have so much to do that I am tired, overwhelmed and exhausted. But that's not how I feel right now. It's kind of the opposite. I am getting plenty of sleep most nights. There's a lot of stuff going on, but we're pretty organized. We've been building a team around us and so we aren't having to do as much of the "business side" of "Jill and Kate"...which is SO WONDERFUL.

When we were on the road with Kelly we were busy. Traveling all the time, rehearsing, home for a few days here and there, etc...and it was AWESOME. Loved it. Now, I am home a lot more and traveling a bit less so it's just an adjustment for me. I would say I am almost equally as busy, the "busy" just looks different.

So, why am I overwhelmed? Because I have time on my hands. I have time to think. And process. Which is great, but when you aren't used to that rhythm it can be a little paralyzing. The "norm" used to be go, go, go and evaluate when you are on the brink of a nervous breakdown. No time to evaluate when you're in it. Currently, I have time and I'm trying to think through things. How am I doing? Am I doing the things in my life that make me happy? Am I content? Am I doing things that matter? And all of those questions and soul digging are good, it's just been a lot for me.

A friend and I were talking yesterday and she said that she's been reading Brene Brown's books and something she says in her books is that perfectionists and over-achievers have a hard time with down time because the over-achieving and perfectionism is a coping mechanism...the coping mechanism is a way they get out of self analyzing. Ugh, that's so me. I own two of Brene's books...started reading one of them years ago and it was too much for me. It spoke to me a little too directly. Maybe I should pick them up again. That might help.

Anyway...I kind of want to wrap this up with a "nothing to see here folks.....just me writing my thoughts and trying to process..."

xo

-kate