Gloom

*Sometimes my best therapy is just writing. Putting one song on repeat in my ear buds & writing...writing so fast that my fingers feel like independent beings from my body. This is what I did below last night. Today's repeat song was: "Bridges" by Broods. * I need sunshine and good news.

I'm tired of the gray, cold, depressing weather. Cause it is really depressing me.

I know that there are cities and countries that have worse winters but I'm talking from my perspective only. I am done with the gray. My soul feels it. It's heavier with each passing  dreary day. The cold gloom. It's making me sad on the inside. It feels defeating.

I am gonna be honest...I feel bad typing this. Because in my experience when you live a life known on social media there is only one side of publicized life so sometimes it seems like a slap in the face to say that I'm going through a hard time in the midst of all the awesome things happening in my "life."

Maybe I shouldn't type this? Maybe I should just post happy and positive blogs. More sunset pictures.

But that's never been me.

Maybe a contributing factor to why I'm feeling down is because I committed to a 30 day super restricted eating plan...and I should know better...I DO NOT do well on those. But who does? The first week was fine. Second week decent. This third week feels like hauling each foot through wet cement. I mean, no sugar, no carbs, no starch, not even fruit 6 days a week...thank goodness for the "fun day" on day #7...or else I would no longer be functioning or I would have murdered someone ;) I also have been wayyyyyy more emotional isn't that fun...i.e. I cry about every 3rd hour or so. I can most of the time laugh at myself which is a positive I guess...but even that...I've been sooooo sensitive lately. Yeesh. The upside is...I'm proud that I'm doing something that has required such self-discipline.  But let's be honest...Kate thrives on sugar and bread...I lived on a carb only diet for quite some time...that's more my "normal."

Yesterday I asked if the writers of the song "I want candy" were on a restricted eating plan when they wrote it? Because that song has been on repeat in my head a lot. Haha.

Also, this season has been an extremely busy one. And when things get busy they can also get hella stressful...which I try and do my best to not be stressed but still...Jill and I are kinda doing this music thing on our own. Well, that's only partly true, we have a few people who help us almost daily and without them we would be just sitting in our house, writing music and playing it for the walls. So...I am extremely thankful for them. And our parents...they are 100% sold on us doing this crazy music thing. They really believe all of the hard work will pay off.  But man, sometimes it's scary thinking about all we have to do, all of the opportunities we're given, all of the responsibility we carry....we are independent artists doing it full time. Meaning, it's all on us. There are pluses and minuses and for whatever reason we are on this specific journey for a reason.

I sometimes forget that I am still chasing a dream and it's scary as hell sometimes.

Even as I write this blog I laugh cause "blogging" is taking a nose dive right now. Apparently blogging isn't as popular as it once was. Blogs should be short and concise....to the point. I'm certainly nailing that aren't I? Haha :)

I know I should end this blog  with a big, long paragraph about how I appreciate you...the reader, the fan...but I hope you know that already and I hope I have the freedom to be honest with my rant...my gloomy, dark days.

xo

-kate