Writing has always been therapeutic for me. Whether it is writing songs or writing a blog, they are both helpful ways for me to process. Yet, sometimes writing a blog or song can be very vulnerable because you lay prey to everyone seeing what’s going on underneath the outside. Sometimes it’s heartbreak, sometimes it’s observation, sometimes it’s a funny story that needs to be told. Well, this blog will not be putting my best foot forward. It’s not going to paint me in the best light, but, it is real and because it’s helpful for me to be forthright and honest in my writing, I’ve decided to share my latest thoughts. Ever heard the expression “Bitter Betty?” well...yeah...I have. A couple of weeks ago I was in a funk. I was Bitter Betty Whats-Her Name. Like a major funk where you are annoyed by EVERYTHING. You know the scene from FRIENDS when Rachel is pregnant and is annoyed by Ross’s breathing?--she snaps at him for “breathing” too loudly. Haha. Yup. I could relate. But alas, she had crazy pregnancy hormones to blame her irritability on and oh wait, I did not. But the funny thing about this funk was that there was no reason for it. I didn’t just get broken up with, I didn’t lose a job, I didn’t fight with a friend...I was just in a BAD mood. And everything irritated me. I couldn’t get out of it. It was also the type of funk that makes you start listing all of the negative attributes of yourself and then those negative thoughts just keep circulating and make you fall further into the funk. Not so fun.
Poor Jill...she, being my BFF, took the brunt of the funk attitude I was handing out. Let me tell you...I had no trouble communicating my thorough annoyance around the clock. I wouldn’t have blamed her if she would have slapped crazy on my forehead and gotten the heck outta dodge. I was the wicked witch from the south. Except witch is not the right word...it rhymes with witch and starts with the second letter of the alphabet. Yup. There you go...that was definitely more me. Wicked bitch from the south.
I don’t know what got into me. All I know, is that I started to feel so badly about myself that I was close to tears several times a day. Around that time, we were asked to play a couple songs for a group of people at a conference. We played three songs, and immediately I walked off stage and had to hold myself together with all I had to wait until I was in the car to unleash the tears that had welled up in my eyes. The funk had reached my core & it affected how I felt onstage. Yikes. This was not good. It had nothing to do with our actual performance. We received nothing but kind words and rave reviews of our time onstage...but for me it was the little negative thoughts/lies that had been lurking around during the funk that I was starting to believe. The red light flashed in my head that this was seriously not okay for me to be thinking/believing these things. Warning. Warning. Warning.
It wasn’t that I thought I had done a horrible job or thought I’d failed. It was the fact that I was in a funk, with no reason to be in a funk. And then I would get more upset with myself that I was in a funk instead of enjoying life to the fullest. It was a sick cycle. I was upset, then upset that I was upset. Grrrr.
After the performance I was supposed to go to the movies with some friends but opted out. I headed home and was emotionally exhausted. I put on some comfy sweats, made some of my favorite snacks (popcorn and a plate of dark chocolate & fresh strawberries...and YUP...I ate it all) and climbed in bed and watched some Army Wives. Nothing like over-dramatic television to make you cry when you are already in a not-so-great place. I cried but I kept replaying the words of my dear friends. I was okay and it was okay to be in a funk.
The next morning I woke up with a little less funk in my trunk. HAha. Had to make that joke. No seriously, the funky presence was a little bit less present. The next day a little less...and so on and so forth. So, what can I blame my funk on? A myriad of things: the weather, my hormones (I am a 28 year old woman you know), the fact that I don’t have my own island to vacation on or the fact that sometimes you just hit a funk. Now, I’m not saying that there is a magic fix to this funk. For me it’s just eased its way out of me. But, I needed to take responsibility for my less than sunny display of attitude. I needed to apologize to the people I was short with. I needed to thank my friends who took time to call and see how I was that next morning after the show. It’s friends who help you out of these times. They tolerate your bad attitude and then go the extra mile to encourage you that you haven’t lost all sanity and that things will be okay.
At the end of the day when you find yourself in a funk, I think you need to remember the things that are true about you. If your bad attitude is not necessarily tied to a specific situation (like mine was) remembering that YOU are in charge of your own attitude can help get you out of it. No one else. You have the ability to look at something and get upset/frustrated OR you can not make a big deal out of it and get over it. And if your bad attitude is related to a specific situation, I recently heard a friend of mine say that often times situations surrounding us cannot change but we can change our attitude. You can still be in the situation but have a better outlook on things.
So, there you have it. Those are my thoughts. Thanks for letting me share.