Let’s talk about crushes for a minute.
First thing’s first: I wish there was another word for “crush” because the word just makes me feel like I’m in junior high, which is obviously NOT helpful to the situation…because having a crush is already weird. Am I right? Who can fix this for us? We need a new word.
Secondly: When you have a crush, it is simultaneously the best and the worst thing ever. It’s the best because you are all up in that infatuated-everything-is-glowing stage. The can’t-eat-can’t-sleep cliché business is a cliché for a reason, because it is TRUE. There is this weird and magical thing that takes over your body. And your brain. How is it possible to think of someone so often? How is it that everything you see reminds you of that person? The inside jokes, the last time you were with them — but really, how is it possible to think of someone that often? #crushes
Now, here’s why it’s also the worst.
It’s the worst for this reason: What if the person you have a crush on does not have a crush on you back? You are all lost in La-La Dream Land, and the other person is like: “Yeah, she cool.” But actually not interested and not aware that you are harboring such “crushing” feelings. This is terrifying. Just absolutely terrifying. And it’s vulnerable. I feel so exposed. I hate being in positions of weakness. I hate the thought of being hurt...of being, sorry, crushed. Especially when I have been many times before. It’s awful. Rejection is THE WORST.
If I’m honest, when I have a crush, I usually try to shut it down in my mind. I keep telling myself the other person is not interested. Why would they ever be interested in me? I keep playing the past failed relationships and rejections in my mind. Anybody with me? I know these are lies, but this is what I’m fighting. The lie that says I’m not good enough and I’m not worth loving or being pursued. But I’m working on exposing those lies and not believing them.
I also think it’s tough because I do really want a relationship. I want an awesome man in my life. I don’t think I’m picky, but I have some really, REALLY, amazing people in my life. The bar has been set high for who I let into my life and who I make time for. So, it’s hard when you find someone that genuinely interests you because it feels so rare. Like finding a gem in a pile of rocks. Or a unicorn.
So, anyway, if you are reading this and also have a crush — here is my best advice for navigating (based on what I am trying to do myself —it’s hard, btw.)
Keep being yourself.
Don’t shy away from being your true self to try and get the other person to like you more. It’s like my good friend Ally Fallon said in our podcast…when we are faced with rejection, our tendency is to shy away from who we are. BUT, we need to do the opposite. If you’re rejected, commit to FULLY being yourself. When we are rejected, we try and change — to fit in more — because the lie is that maybe then there will be less rejection. But that’s a lie. So, lean into more of who you really are.
Affirm yourself early and often.
Remind yourself constantly of who you are. Take your hand to your heart right now. Is there a beating feeling? If yes, then that means that you are absolutely, 100%, undoubtedly worthy of love. If the answer was no, you might be dead so you should probably seek medical attention. But honestly, you are so loved. So LOVED. If you have blood pumping through your veins, you are here for a reason, a purpose, and you are so wildly loved. You are worthy of a loving relationship.
Ask your friends for advice, but ultimately, trust yourself.
Your intuition is telling you things. Yes, sometimes when we are in that La-La crush mode 😍, our vision can be a little rosy or unrealistic and this is where your inner circle of people you trust and who LOVE YOU come into play. Ask them for advice/wisdom. However, at the end of the day, trust yourself. This is something that is probably the hardest for me. I struggle with intense self-doubt. I want to lean on my friends and the advice of others vs. trusting myself and listening to my own still small voice. This is a practice for me…I’m learning how to trust myself more and more. (Hear our podcast about trusting your gut here.)
Lean into the crush.
Not actually physically…or umm, yes, do that too (wink wink, nudge-nudge 😉), but allow yourself to really feel it. Thank God & the Universe for sending you this crush. See it as a teacher. Allow yourself to enjoy it and surrender to NOT KNOWING THE OUTCOME. Oh dang, this is THE HARDEST part. You can be all affirmed and kicking self-doubt’s butt and conquering the world, but guess what? You cannot control other people. You cannot control the outcome of a relationship. If you are in the crush stage or if you’ve been married for 100 years — you still cannot control other people. Surrender the outcome. Be intentional. Have a vision of what you want. Know you deserve it, but surrender the outcome.
So there you have it, friends. The wonderful and the weird world of being all googly-eyed over someone.
Here’s to enjoying it and leaning into more and more of who we really are.
You are enough. You don’t need to be someone else.
PS. If you want seriously good dating advice, we consulted an expert on our podcast and she DISHES on the best ways to reply to a text, what should and should not be discussed via text and so much more. She is never wrong. Listen here.
PPS. Tomorrow we talk about how a minor mishap on the highway (in our pajamas) lead to a major revelation….see you here tomorrow.