It’s me Kate. I wanted to share some things that I’ve been thinking about recently. This walkabout has given me a great space to think and ponder about life. At times in the past, life has moved so quickly that I haven’t had time in the moment to process, but this walkabout has been different. Maybe it’s the weekly podcast forcing me to check-in with my head and heart to talk about what’s going on in my head…I don’t know. It’s been different.
Anyway, I was thinking about the person that I’m turning into to. What I want my life to look like. How I want to feel. I made a quick list of more and less that I wanted. The below list sort of tumbled out.
- Less guilty.
- More humble.
- More in the moment.
- More dancing.
- Less planning ahead.
- More letting go.
Less guilty. I find myself feeling guilty a lot. Little or big things. Guilty feelings for not texting someone back. Guilty feelings for not sending my nephew a birthday card. Guilty for eating that bag of potato chips. Whatever it is, just lots of feeling that I’m not quite meeting the mark. That I'm not enough. But, who made that mark anyway? Where is that standard coming from? I’m trying to learn to extend the same grace to myself as I’ve been trying to extend to others: I’m doing the best I can. Throw guilt out the freakin’ car window, Kate. Let it go. Guilt helps no one.
More humble. I don’t think I’m a super braggy person or anything…haha or at least I hope not! I’ve just noticed in others how attractive humility is. When someone doesn’t consider themselves above others, ugh, it’s just so attractive to me. My friend Bob says: “Humble voices carry the furthest.” Yes, so true. I’ve also realized how badly I want approval from people. I hate even typing that because it feels hella vulnerable. But, it’s true. I want the “attagirl” or the approval from others and I am trying to let that go. All I need approval from is me and God. No one else.
More in the moment. This was/is my number one goal for this walkabout. To be in every moment. Fully present. Fully feeling it all. Not worrying about past or future…letting expectation fall to the wayside and just BE. It’s a hard thing for me to practice, but it’s a practice…I have good days and bad days…but I'm trying to not feel guilty when I don’t do the best job.
More dancing. Because, hello? Dancing is fun and I think as I get older I get more reserved or rational or I -don’t-know-what, but I want to dance more. What did Amy Poehler say:
Yes please. Make me childlike so that when I hear the music, even if it’s in my own head, I won’t be afraid to surrender to the music and DANCE.
Less planning ahead. This goes back to more in the moment. I’m always thinking ahead. When I park my car, I am thinking about how I’m getting out of that parking space. It’s always going. My brain is constantly thinking in the future. And I want to change that. More right now. More what’s in front of me. More what do I see/hear/smell/touch right now. The future will take care of itself, of that I’m sure. And I don’t want to miss it...the it that’s right in front of me.
More letting go. Hurts, fears, anxiety…the big and little stuff. The massive heartaches and times I’ve been screwed over. The small inconsequential hurt feelings. The expectations of “how I thought life would be” and the dreams that haven’t come to pass yet. Letting it go will make you lighter and that’s what I’m after.
Yeah, so that’s where I’m at right now. What are you trying to have more of or less of in your life? I’d love to hear.