I had intended to write a blog about my mother and how much she has taught me over the last few years. But, I wrote her a card (that didn’t arrive on time...#fail) and called her today and told her all of the things I would’ve written about here on the blog.
Instead, I have this nagging feeling that I’m supposed to write about something else. But, in all honesty, it scares me to write about a topic so grand, so sensitive, so fragile, so personal...it feels overwhelming and so for the majority of the day I just kept putting it off...but my courage has caught up with me and I’m going to try. I may not succeed, but at least I’m going to try.
This is the letter I’ve been wanting to write all day:
To the brokenhearted on Mother’s Day,
I’m sorry and I feel you.
I’m writing to the ones that have lost their mothers.
I’m writing to the ones that have lost their babies.
I’m writing to the ones that are currently waiting to become mothers.
And I’m writing especially to the single ladies (thanks Beyoncé) that find themselves in the situation where motherhood isn’t even an option...cause that’s where I’m at.
When I was younger I didn’t seem to mind as much. I actually didn’t even notice really. I wanted to celebrate my mom and that was about it.
But now on days like today I feel a lonely-heaviness I haven’t felt before. See, a majority of my friends are married and have kids. If truth be told, most of my friends are like, “having their last kid.” And through no fault of theirs, their reality makes me feel sooooo far behind in life. And it feels super lonely.
You might be thinking, well, you could have a baby now if you wanted to. True. I’ve got the goods and I know how the birds and the bees work...but, I really would love to find a husband first. If I’ve learned anything from observing, it’s that being a single parent is hard--like, ‘they should get their own holiday’ kind of hard. In my world, having a two parent home is just where my sights are set...and that hasn’t happened for me yet, which means that being a mom hasn’t happened yet. And because I’m sharing this does not mean that I don’t love my life and yes, I’m trusting in the timing of my life...insert all the good quotes here...I’m just saying days like today feel hard and bring something to the surface that I wanted to get out on paper.
I have all but avoided social media today. Picture after picture of happy people my age with their babies or husbands proudly adoring their baby mama’s. And I want to celebrate with them. I do, and I have. But, if I didn’t acknowledge the heaviness I feel today I wouldn’t be telling the whole truth.
Maybe you’re reading this and you feel the same way. Welcome. Maybe you’re reading this and think I sound like a whiner...that’s okay, you’re welcome here too. I just wanted to write something to address that days like today can hurt.
- If today is hard because you’ve lost your Mom: I’m sorry and I honor you and your mom today in my heart.
- If you’re a mama who has lost your baby...born or unborn: I’m sorry and I honor you and your baby(ies) today in my heart.
- If you’re waiting patiently right now to become a mama: I’m sorry and I am celebrating you in hopes that you will soon step into motherhood.
- And finally, if you’re like me, where motherhood doesn’t even seem like an option on the table: I’m with you and I honor you in the struggle on days like today that are hard.
You are seen.
You are noticed.
You are vital to your community, with or without a spouse or kids.
If I could encourage you to do one thing today...find a mom in your life who’s doing it well and call or text her and tell her that. Tell her she’s doing a great job. Never cease celebrating even in your own pain. It’s kind of a holy experience...and one that I believe is truly healing.
You are loved. There is hope. Don’t doubt that miracles happen and that all could change in a minute.
You’re allowed to be hopeful and hurting at the same time.
Sending much love to you today,