Lying To Yourself

Are you lying to yourself?

Let’s be honest. We all have those small voices that try to creep up in our heads and tell us lies. If you are pursuing a career, a dream, a family, anything...don’t think for a second that you’re alone in this struggle. We can guarantee you that you are not...and unfortunately even the most confident, put-together person you know has faced these same small inner voices. We heard someone wise once say that no one has a positive, confident, inner self voice. We can’t live in negativity, so what do we do? We re-train the inner voice.

How do we do that?

First, by calling out the lies. Face them head on and then shut them down. If you’re chasing a dream or a new career or if you've been at the same one for 20 years, you might be facing them too so we thought we’d address three common lies that we’ve had to fight through. You might be telling yourself a version of one of these, you might identify with all three, or you might be facing different ones and that’s okay. These are three that we have faced ourselves and want to help you overcome.

1. You’re not good enough.

If you’re breathing right now you have probably faced this lie. If you are a parent or student or banker or dancer or “insert ANYTHING here” you have probably heard this still small lie surface at some point.

This lie can be crippling (like most lies) but this one in particular can cut off the oxygen to your self-worth and keep you frozen and stagnant. If you are hearing this in your head or heart, it’s time to evaluate and remind yourself of some truths:

Truth #1: You have blood running through your veins and a heart beating in your chest, so you are automatically enough. For real, you are put here on this earth not as an accident, but on purpose...for a reason...and that, friends, is enough.

Truth #2: Everyone is faking it until they make it. No really. Everyone is learning as they go. And that age-old adage is so right on: “Fake it until you make it.” And the secret there is just by continuing, by pressing in, by putting in the time, you will learn, make mistakes, fail, grow, and succeed. By doing all of that, you’ll be making it. So "faking it" is really just putting on an extra layer of courage because you may have to learn on your feet and just not give into the fear that tells you you’re ill-equipped or not good enough. PS. If you are a pilot or doctor we implore you to not take the “fake it until you make it” advice. Hahaha. Please and thank you.

Truth #3: You are better than you think. Really. Whatever industry you are going after, there has to be some reason you were drawn to it and you are probably better than what you are giving yourself credit for. The one slightly positive note about this little lie that you’re dealing with is that it means you are self-aware. Self-awareness is an incredibly helpful tool to have in life.  So, yay! 

2. You’ll never reach your goals.  

Not with that attitude! This lie is all about mindset. It’s one of the more simple lies to undo and all it takes is some simple, focused time.

Quiet your mind. Grab a pen and some paper if you are a visual thinker. Make a list of your goals. Now make a list of all of the steps you’ve taken to reach them. Chances are you are WELL ON YOUR WAY to reaching your goals. Maybe you’re not seeing the progress you’d like? Or maybe you need to set smaller more tangible goals? Or maybe you’ve never set any goals in the first place and so quantifying “never reaching your goals” is actually true. If you don’t have goals, you’ll never reach any.

Now repeat after us:

I am reaching my goals every day. The small steps I am taking each day are leading me to succeeding.

Now, this will help for a little while. But, go ahead and google positive affirmations on Pinterest. Print them out and put them where you’ll see them. The words we see fill our minds and make a HUGE impact on what we think and how we act. So, find ‘em, print them, read them, embody them.

3. I'm Going To Fail

Ah, the F word. The giant, mother-load of the word. FAILURE. This one word is enough to suffocate all of your creativity, mojo and willpower in one fell swoop.

If you focus on failure it won’t make you fail, it will make you not even try.

Failure feels like the plague or some awful non-curable disease that you’ll be labeled and stuck with for the rest of your days. But the only way to really and truly fail is not to try at all, or to quit because you’re scared.

If you talk to anyone successful, you will find one commonality: they have ALL failed. Failure is a part of learning. It’s not a bad thing. It’s a teaching tool. It’s useful to the process; it’s necessary in fact. Like, super necessary. Failure is such a good teacher. Instead of running from it, embrace it. We’ve had our fair share of failures. From on stage blunders to business deals failing to getting paid $8 for a show that cost us $17 to park. Yeah, do the math on that one.

But, we can tell you this honestly. Each one of the failings has taught us something about ourselves personally or our business...or most times both. When you learn how to lose it’s really helping you learn how to win because you can’t have one without the other. Marcie Allen said this great phrase: "Fail forward." Yes. Failing is moving forward.

So, go ahead and fail. It’s ok. It means you are trying and if you keep trying long enough, you will win. We often say to each other: the only way to fail is if we quit.

You have freedom to try and succeed and to try and fail.

And here’s the thing, if you’re 15 or 50, these lies might keep popping up like whack-a-moles. We’re not sure if they ever go away completely, BUT the faster you learn the tools to combat the lies, the more natural it will become.

There you have it. What tools and tricks do you use to combat these voices? Just hit reply to this email. We can't wait to hear from you. We are all in this together. 

Much love,

Jill and Kate

PS: Remember this GOOD NEWS: You have the power inside of you to change. To face these lies, call them out and kick them to the curb. We aren’t giving you a magic formula. We are passing along tools and tricks we’ve learned from our very own struggles with these lies. We want YOU to thrive, grow and combat these lies so that you can live your best, most authentic, inspired life.